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our two girls…

Oh Joy / Matching Dresses!

Oh Joy / Matching Dresses!

When we found out we we're having another girl, I have to admit, I was surprised. This pregnancy felt so different (and easier) in the beginning. I dreamt the baby was a boy, and I grew up having a little brother. There was no real science behind my feelings other than I just assumed I'd have one of each some day, and I wanted the experience of knowing what it was like to raise both a girl and a boy. When we found out that our newest baby would be a girl, I immediately felt so excited for Ruby to experience that sisterly bond that I never knew about. But I was worried that Bob would be disappointed. We've always planned to have two kids and said no matter what, we'd be happy with just two. I thought that in the back of his head, he'd feel like he was missing out by not having a son. This was his response when I asked him, truly, if he was okay with not having a baby boy…

Bob first said that all he really hoped for was a healthy baby. I know everyone says that and most people really mean it, but his version of that response goes deeper. In his job, he sees children everyday born with birth defects, scoliosis, and other physical issues that they have no control over. He told me that he sees kids that are born in such unfortunate circumstances and to have a child that doesn't have to go through surgeries, years of medication, or physical limitations, that is all he wantedโ€”regardless of gender. And when people say, "Don't you want to just try for a boy?" or "But your family name won't live on", his response is simply, "I am equal parts my mom and my dad. Just because I happen to have my dad's last name doesn't mean that I'm not also continuing my mom's family line. Our daughters will continue our family name (both your side and my side) and represent our family just the same as a son would."

After knowing he was genuinely happy (and me joking endlessly about he's bound to become more sensitive now), I was able to start imagining my life as a mother of two girls. I'm pretty excited to see Ruby bond with a sibling…but especially so with her little sister. She talks to my belly everyday and tells the baby all the things she wants to do when the baby finally arrives. I hear it's an amazing closeness that can't be described unless you have sisters, and I'm looking forward to watching that unfold…

If you grew up with sisters or if you have girls of your own, what am I in for? Sisters who are best friends (hopefully)? Or a lifetime of emotions and drama? (Or maybe a little bit of both…)

{Photo by Oh Bob. Our dresses by Thief & Bandit.}


  1. I had an older sister and a pesky younger one. Yep, I’m the middle girl. Despite all the annoyances, you’ve got a built-in bestie for life. You have someone who will always have your back, even if they’re wearing your favorite top without asking on theirs! ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. I have a little sister – we’re about 2 years apart, I’m 25 now and she’s 23. We were always close when we were little, but not as much in the dramatic teenage years. Now that we’re both older, the age difference feels like nothing at all, and we’re best friends! I would say just don’t expect them to be besties all the time, we all change a lot through different stages of our lives.

  3. definitely a little bit of the best friends and the drama.
    i am one of 5 girls, and now i have 2 daughters. i think it goes without saying that even when i’m arguing or mad at one of my sisters, i always consider them my best friends, especially the one i shared a bedroom with for 15 years! and i see the same thing in my girls, drama more now since we are entering the tween/teen years!

  4. I have a brother, but my mom has a younger sister who she had a very strained relationship with her whole life. I remember family holidays that ended in screaming fights with someone storming out of the house almost every time. After my their mother (my grandmother died) they didn’t speak for almost 10 years! Only in the last few years have they actually started to get along for the first time in their lives – and they are both in their late 60s! I guess I feel like having a sibling can be wonderful or complicated and the relationship depends more on personality then gender.

  5. I have a 2 year old little girl and a 3 month old baby girl, and it’s amazing so far!
    I’m just like you, I grew up with one younger brother so I just assumed I’d have a girl and a boy. I’m so excited for my girls to have that sisterly bond that I never experienced. Don’t get me wrong, I love my brother beyond words and I’m sure you do too, but I think it’s just different than having a sister!

  6. I was lucky enough to have a brother and a sister. There is a different bond with a sister — at least in my case! I’m very close with both siblings, but my sister knows me inside and out, will text me out of the blue to say hi and thought I might need a hug, etc. We often get asked if we’re twins, even though I’m older by 3.5 years. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. I am the oldest of 3 girls. My dad has always been very proud of his girls and he never regretted boys… at all! We are his princesses.
    As for sisterhood, it is quite an experience, with both happiness and drama, secrets sharing and jealousy. I am glad I have my 2 sisters.
    I hope your girls will get along well!

  8. I have two younger sisters and they’ve always been my best friends. It’s wonderful having such a great support system and friends that grow through your whole life with you. I’m so grateful!

  9. We’re 3 girls in my family, I’m a twin and we have an older sister. I think just like an combination of siblings the teenage years are a bit hard, lots of emotions and some drama. But now we’re 25, 25 and 28 and we’re all best friends. My parents say that this is the best part of having children, getting to have adult relationships with them. And my dad says that having all girls was exactly what he wanted and doesn’t think he missed out on anything by not having a son, he says he wouldn’t have wanted boys now that he knows what having daughters is like.

  10. I’m the younger of two girls..and just another perspective- I was “supposed” to be the boy. Everyone was SO convinced I was going to be a boy. Though you would never get that from the way my parents treated me as my dad pretty much raised me as the son he never had. I was a total tomboy that helped my dad build stuff around the house, fixed the cars, etc etc…(he also taught me to cook). My sister was always like a 2nd mom- and the closeness developed as we grew older. One thing that I really value is that sister-sister relationships are really different from sister-brother; we just talk about more stuff. My husband is very close with his older sister as well- but it is not in the same way as I am with mine.

  11. oh joy, you are in for both! my sister and i are best friends, also three years apart. there is nothing like it. my dad could not be happier he has two daughters….but there will be drama!

  12. congrats on baby girl #2!!! I grew up with an older brother which was awesome. I now have one little girl and I think it would be so great if one day she has a sister. I never had one, so sister love is something I always wondered about.

  13. I have 4 sisters and it’s the best! They are my best friends through thick and thin and I can’t imagine life without them. I have a girl and two boys and sometimes I’m sad that she won’t have a sister; but, I had her really young and my sisters are younger so I think she’s got plenty of sister-like relationships. You will love having two little girls, they will fight, there will be drama once the hormones start raging, but it will be worth it.

  14. what an amazing post! having a healthy baby is such a blessing!!!! myself, i can’t quite understand a preference to a certain gender for this reason. i have a healthy son and in the future i hope for more healthy babies – boys or girls.
    I have one sister and we have the best relationship. She is 4 years older than me, we are SO different (looks and personality) but we get along really well. we just GET each other!!!! Thank you for such a lovely post.

  15. I have three sisters and I wouldn’t trade my relationships with them for anything in the world! It is amazing to have that built-in bond with them! Sisterhood definitely doesn’t come without drama and a fight or two now and then, but the same thing goes for my brother too.

  16. How sweet! I have three sisters and one brother and I can honestly say that the bond I have with my sisters is nothing else. Especially with my older sister (my two younger ones are my half sisters). Nothing can ever break the bond that we have. We are so close that we know exactly what the other is thinking just by looking at each other. Don’t get me wrong though, growing up together we fought a lot and stole each other’s clothes (which was usually the reason for the fighting) and sometimes said we hated one another. Once we became adults though and didn’t have to live together, we became even closer and I can honestly say that it was worth all the annoying bickering that we would get into growing up. Have fun with your little girls! They’re going to make great friends one day soon.

  17. How exciting! My sister and I are 1 1/2 years apart (I’m older). We were always together growing up and I know we fought a lot, but we also had a lot of fun. We’re complete opposites..The best thing about having a sister is that you’ve got someone in this world who will always tell you the truth (is this outfit ugly on me?). Now that we’re grown and she has her own babies we’re closer than ever.

  18. I am the oldest of four girls and I love all of my sisters so much. Sometimes we fight but for the most part we are all best friends:) People always ask my dad if he was always trying for a boy and he says after the first I wanted girls because at least I know what I’m doing. Sisterly bonds are amazing. I wouldn’t have my best friends otherwise.

  19. I have three sisters. Growing up I was really curious about what it would be like to have a brother, and I guess I’m still a little curious, but having sisters is the best.thing.ever. It’s like having a best friend that knows you so well that you don’t even have to explain things. You can also share clothes and talk about boys…really clichรฉ things, but it’s all true. Love my sisters!
    I’m so excited for Ruby to have a little sister, and for the little one to have a big sister!

  20. My sister and I are 2 years apart and are really close despite living so far apart now. We went through phases growing up where we were friends and then wanted nothing to do with each other. Haha.
    Now I have 2 little girls (3 1/2 years old and 7 months old) and it is so much fun. I can’t wait for them to become best friends. The older one loves the baby so much and wants to hug and kiss her all the time!

  21. Also my husband loves having 2 girls! When they both are sitting on his lap, he says “Two girls” so now my older one says “Two girls” when she wants to sit with daddy and the baby. Too cute!

  22. I’m the youngest of three girls– all of us two years apart- and we grew up with a lot of fighting over sharing clothes, books, toys, etc– and especially over attention from our parents. But now that we’re grown up (26, 28, and 30) there is a level of understanding, a shared history, and deep love for each other. They know me and my story at an intrinsic level, and I them. I’d do truly anything for those women. I’m so amazed by their strength and intelligence. Their successes are my successes. I love seeing them grow, and there is nothing funnier than a joke between sisters that is decades old. I wish we lived closer– but all three of us talk at least once a week. Having sisters is so much fun— and I think we help to define each other. I also think we help to challenge each other’s limitations.

  23. I am the eldest of two sisters, 3 years apart. We were best friends growing up, and we have so many great memories together. We have gone through different stages of being close and not, of being competitive with lots of drama, and getting along great. But, no matter what has happened in our lives, we will always be best friends and have so much love for each other. Sisters are fun! Congrats

  24. I’m the youngest of three girls, the baby. We were somehow perfectly timed to be 2.5 between each girl. How did you manage that mom? Ha. My sisters are my best friends and can always count on them. My mom always said “She hit the jackpot” with us three girls. We couldn’t stand each other in those elementary school/preteen years, but in highschool, that all changed, and they looked out for me in highschool.
    Some words of advice from being one of three girls:
    Sharing a bedroom is a must.
    Don’t label each daughter as, ‘oh she’s the creative one’ or ‘she’s the athletic one.’ I always felt like we were being pigeon-holed into some category with no room to excel in something else.

  25. This is such a beautiful post! Having married into a Chinese family, I have learned about the desire to have one gender over the other. I understand that it’s to carry on the family name, but that’s it (I love your husband’s response to this). And plus, you can’t pick what you get – well technically you can, but that’s not in everyone’s plan (not in mine at least). I’m the baby in my family with an older sister. We are fairly different so I wouldn’t say we have the strongest bond. But being pregnant with #2, it’s a boy and #1 is a girl, I’m really nervous about how to handle a boy having not grown up with a brother. Best wishes for a healthy and happy pregnancy. Your family is adorable!

  26. I have two cousins, both married with three kids each, except one cousin has all girls and the other has all boys. They were comparing notes one Thanksgiving and it seems that the cousin with girls has to deal with a lot of drama/grudges . . . but the other cousin can’t have anything nice in her house since her boys will destroy anything within six feet of the floor. Perhaps you lucked out with the second girl. ๐Ÿ˜€
    I have a sister five years younger, so the teen years were a little rough (imagine a 9 y/o vs. 14 y/o), but things smoothed out between us once we got older. Wouldn’t trade it for anything.

  27. I am the younger sister by 4.5 years. My sister and I fought for years, and now we are best friends. Because she was older than me, she was my role model and all I ever wanted was to be just like her. Of course to her that meant I was always in her business, and in her stuff! It wasn’t until I was old enough to really find my own identity and interests that we were able to stop fighting. As we have grown and turned into unique people with vastly different lives, our common history and shared admiration for each other has helped our bond deepen. Childhood fights or no fights, our bond is the kind only siblings, and especially sisters can have. There is no one else in the world who will truly ever understand the joys and pains of our childhood. When my sister had two girls, 4.5 years apart, we were both thrilled! For all of the “she’s touching me” and “that’s not fair” arguments that were sure to ensue, we knew they would have the special connection that only sisters can have! Don’t worry when your girls fight, it is part of the process. In the end, you are giving them the best kind of lifelong girlfriend!!

  28. I feel like you just wrote my thoughts exactly. I am also pregnant with another girl, and I have a long line of family members who have girl first, then boy so I just kind of thought that would be me too! I am sooo incredibly thrilled to be having another little girl because I never had a sister (always wanted one) and I’m so excited for my daughters to have that bond and watch it grow! My husband after having our first girl told me he wanted another girl…but I felt bad he may never have a son he insists he really is excited to have girls!

  29. My sister is my absolute best friend. It wasn’t always that way growing up (we’re 18 months apart), as she always got to do everything I did even though I was older, she stole my clothes, etc. We both seemed so different from one another growing up – she was more sporty and rebellious, I was more artsy and reserved.
    But even though we always seem so different to other people, we actually grew to be really similar to one another, have similar experiences, and our bond grew even more from that. Now, we really have more in common than ever just because of our upbringing, all of the things we went through together growing up, and now we’re even in the same field! It really is the best relationship, and I’m so excited for Ruby to have that with her sister ๐Ÿ™‚ Hoping for a happy, healthy baby for all of you. xo

  30. From my experience with my little sister (she is 5 years younger) and from my friends, I think the tween-teen years are definitely the hardest.
    I remember doing a quiz in a magazine to find out “How Close Are You to Your Sister?” and it asked all these questions like “You share clothing to the point where you don’t know whose is whose” or “When she breaks up with her boyfriend, you are there already with the tissues and a carton of ice cream” – both very unrealistic for a 8 year old and 13 year old!
    However, after getting over that teenage hump, sisters get really close. The age difference always seems HUGE until you get much older!

  31. Sisterhood is the best. My sister (even though she is 11 years older) is my best friend and has been as long as I can remember. Watching her two girls grow up together is also one of my favorite things. They love each other so much! My youngest niece had a minor surgery recently and when she came out of anesthesia all she wanted was her big sister. I’m really excited for you to have another baby girl!!

  32. I have two boys so I have no idea what it’s like to raise two girls. But I can tell you one thing – my boys are the best buds and they’re inseparable! I’m sure having two girls is very similar – your girls will be connected via a special sisterly bond! I’m so happy for you and Bob! xx

  33. So sweet ! I love so much my sister, we are very close, so i think it s a beautifull perspective for your daughter to have a little sister

  34. Oh, I love that Ruby will have a little sister!
    I am the third of three sisters. My oldest sister is 5 years older and my middle sister is 1.5 years older than me. The oldest and I live together, but because of the age difference, we didn’t really get to know each other (as our mature selves, at least) until we moved in together after college. My middle sis and I were very close in age, which meant lots of fighting, but by junior high and high school, we were sharing friends and peacefully coexisting… well, mostly peacefully. We even went to college together and lived together while there! She moved to Pennsylvania a few years ago, but we text every single day and talk often.
    Now all three of us have tons of mutual friends and we wouldn’t have it any other way. We balance each other out and though we sound and look alike, we are each very different.
    The way your girls will get along with one another will really depend on their personalities, but I will say that no matter how much scratching (that was a big one for us… eep!), screaming or fighting goes on, they will eventually work things out and they will always, always love each other.

  35. My sisters and I (I’m the middle child) are a mixture of both! We fight hard, but they’re normally fight of love. We always love louder than we shout. My connection to them is inexpiable and boundless. I couldn’t imagine not having them!

  36. I have a younger sister who is 20 months younger than me. We didn’t get along at all until she went to college. Now we’re very close, but it took 18 years for it to happen.

  37. I grew up the eldest in a family with two girls, and my little sister is four years younger than me. We’re opposites in many ways, but we’re alike in all the ways that count (especially humor – that helps)! Now that we’re both in our twenties, she’s my confidant, travel buddy and best friend. (And my dad survived having two teenage girls in the house, so Bob will be fine, too.) ๐Ÿ™‚

  38. Joy –
    I have the pleasure of having 3 older sisters and one younger, as well as 4 older brothers and two younger. I also have a lot of nieces who are sisters as well, and I will tell you that if you love them both equally and encourage friendship between them it will happen. There is 14 years difference between myself and my oldest sister and my earliest memories are of her being mean and always hollering before she moved out of our house when I was 4 to go to college. I don’t think I liked her very much most of my younger years, but eventually she calmed down a bit in my eyes, and spent time with me apart from my family so it felt like we could be friends and we have now been hanging out a lot more together since finally bonding over X Files. She’s now 52 and I’m 38 and we make it a point to visit each other.

  39. I’m 30 years old and the littlest of 5 sisters (the eldest is 44). We are super close, and I think we get closer as we age. There was a lot of fighting and b*tchiness growing up (there’s always the one who doesn’t want to lend her clothes, etc), but as we get older and wiser, the bond has become unbreakable. There isn’t a day without group texting or talking on the phone, sharing our problems as well as lots of laughs. And Bob, he’ll be the absolute King in the castle, as we girls always have a soft spot for daddy. Congratulions on the new addition to the Cho family, so excited for Ruby! Besos

  40. I have a sister, we didn’t get along when we were young (sorry to say that), however we are close now. We are also 14 month apart, so that probably had something to do with that. I’m glad I had a sister and now I have a brother-in-law and it filled the void of not having a brother. Your girls are going to be so adorable and their relationship I know will flourish!
    xoxo Allison

  41. I’m so happy I found your blog in the past couple years, we are so similar! My first daughter is a couple months younger than Ruby and I am expecting another girl this late fall/early winter. I too did not grow up with sisters (only brothers, who were 12 and 17 years older than me), so I don’t know what it’s like to have a sister either. My husband and I had a similar conversation about not having a son (we also only want two kids) and he said he loves our daughter so much that he can’t imagine her being a boy, so it won’t be any different with the second daughter. He also said he’s probably going to need to take a “man trip” every year for a little break from all the estrogen. ๐Ÿ™‚

  42. My sister is 2.5 years younger than me and although we often fight, she is truly my best friend. We often joke that we’re actually twins. Yes, there were years when we fought more often than not, and even now I don’t think I could stand to live with her again, but being that I just moved far away from home, I think we are and will be closer than ever. It’s wonderful having that built-in best friend. So, yes, it’ll be hard. Teenage girls are the worst! But Ruby will always have a bestie and that is a beautiful thing!

  43. Sisters are the best! I am a quadruplet and we are all girls. It’s a lifetime of being good friends, support, many emotions (hello, middle school) and a whole lot of love for each other. I love having my sisters and they all have shaped my life in many different ways. I am so happy for you!

  44. My sister is a little less than 3 years older than me. It’s just the two of us, and even our pets were females when I grew up! ๐Ÿ™‚ My dad always joked that he was outnumbered, but I know he loves being a father of two girls. My sister and I never truly argued until we were the same size (both clothing and shoes – disaster!) and would borrow (or steal) each others things in high school. We went to the same college and instantly became close, and we’re still each others best friends to this day. I know that everyone has a different family dynamic, but my sister and I are so blessed that we’re so close and share in everything we do, even as we’re starting our own families.

  45. great post! I literally am just going through the same thing but opposite right now (found out baby boy #2 is on the way), and I had the same reaction! My husband was amazing about it and now I am so excited to see their brotherly bond as they grow up.
    As for sisters, I grew up with one and while of course there was drama (mostly over clothes stealing), there is definitely no friendship quite like that of a sisters. its going to be wonderful, congrats!!!

  46. Hmm now you got me thinking. We chose to keep our gender a surprise for this pregnancy and our first was a girl. I had one dream we were having a boy and just assumed this one is a boy. The pregnancies have been a little different, but not enough for me to have a real guess either way.
    We’ll find out in September!

  47. Honestly, you’ll probably get a little bit of both. From Ruby’s perspective (I’m the oldest of 3 girls and 1 boy), there’s a way you can be friends with your sisters that you can’t with your brothers. Not that the bond can’t be as strong, but the friendship is just different.
    That said, they will likely fight a LOT, especially as they get older. The thing is that sisters know how to push each other’s buttons in a way no one else does, and they think they can get away with it because you’re stuck together. So that sucks. But it’s way worth it to see the resulting friendship.
    It’s basically several years of friendship, then a decade of being (sometimes violent) frenemies, then friends again.

  48. I think you’re in for a little bit of both. ๐Ÿ™‚ My sister and I are great friends, but because we are 6 years apart, our bickering wasn’t much and usually involved me (the older one) giving her advice she didn’t want to hear (sometimes that still happens). We’ve always been at different stages of life, but I think sisters close in age is such a gift!

  49. Growing up with my sister (3 yrs older than me) was so much fun. I can’t even imagine arguing with her now like we did from 15-early 20’s. Other than that rough patch in between, it’s been amazing. We are closer than ever now and I am so grateful for her. The support and friendship she provides me with can’t be put into words. Congrats on your girls!

  50. I grew up with a younger sister (5 years apart) and we had (and still have) a love/hate relationship. I looked after her a lot when we were little and it was really fun growing up with a mini shadow. ๐Ÿ™‚ Of course, as sisters, there will always be competitive moments and fights, but for us, fights are usually over in 5 minutes…even today. Someone just says, “You wanna go shopping?” and the fight is forgotten. ๐Ÿ™‚ We are extremely close and she is my best friend. I always wanted a brother growing up but there’s something really special about sisterhood bonding. I wouldn’t trade it for the world (even though I tried to trade her for candy with neighborhood kids when I was in kindergarten). Congratulations on daughter #2!! Its so adorable how excited Ruby is – she’s going to be a wonderful big sister. ๐Ÿ™‚

  51. I have two sisters and we are seriously best friends. Growing up, we did fight a lot but a family circumstance really brought us together when we were in our teens. We have tons of inside jokes and we always say “sisterwaves!” or “sisterhood!” whenever we are thinking the exact same thing. Of course we still fight over little things, but they are the people I speak to every single day and laugh the hardest with. Ruby is so lucky to have a sister, its really one of the best relationships and strongest bonds you can have with someone. ๐Ÿ™‚

  52. I love my big sister and call her nearly every single day. I have brothers too and I’m so glad to have them because I think brothers help you relate better to men in your life and for a million other reasons but I think women keep in touch more often than men and I would miss the connection if I only had brothers (they don’t call as much). My sister and I had very little drama growing up and have remained close our whole lives. She was and still is one of the few people I wish to emulate. She is so gracious, smart, humble, and loving and she gives incredible advice and tells me things I don’t always want to hear. I just love all of my siblings so much and I’m glad I got to experience a brother and a sister but with a sister she will also have a very dear friend. xo

  53. Joy: You are in for a real treat! As a mother of 2 daughters (one 6 y.o and one 3 y.o), I cannot tell you how often I’m reminded of how awesome it is that they have each other as sisters and best buds. My sis & I are are extremely close so the bond my daughters have often remind me of my youth, growing up with my big sis.
    Sure, my girls bicker as often as they snuggle and crack each other up but the love they have for one another is evident. Today, my youngest asked her big sis, “E, do you love me?” Her big sis answered, “Yes, of course. Why wouldn’t I?” My heart melted a little, while driving :).
    So excited for you, Bob, and Ruby!

  54. Oh, I just have to comment to reflect on your Bob’s words. What a thoughtful guy you have there. And congratulations on having two girls. They will be so grateful for each other. When I see my grandmother and my great aunt (age 82 and age 87) together, I can’t help but be a little jealous of the bond of sisters!

  55. My sister and I fought as kids (before high school) over sibling stuff (toys, things, clothes, but never boys!). After that though, we’ve been best friends with inside jokes and we laugh whenever we are together. I can’t wait for Ruby to have that too!

  56. Joy: I am the mother of a girl, and I completely sympathize with Bob’s sentiment to have a healthy baby. I think it’s naturally what every parent would want, but I also wanted to provide another perspective as a person with a disability. I contracted polio in Pulau Bidong, Malaysia, when I was six months old and I feel that it is *because* of my disability that I have been so enriched in my life and my relationships with my siblings, parents, co-workers, my husband and my daughter. Living with a disability has helped me understand what empathy, discipline, and diligence mean. I think it’s very natural for every parent to want their child to be happy, healthy, and free of worries, but in many ways, those feelings do not encompass the entire beautiful spectrum of life. For me, I think I would also hope for my child to live a whole life, and be enriched by the whole lives of others. I say all this, without an ounce of judgment for those who wish for a healthy child, but I did want to offer another perspective.

  57. Congrats, Joy! I have a sister and we are the best of friends. I always thought it would be fun to have two of the same so they could have the same close bond as I did growing up with my sis and still do today. I actually just found out that I am having a girl too! My son is 2.5 so I don’t get a pair that I envisioned, but like you mentioned, I’m excited for the challenge of raising one of each. Let’s face it, you can’t go wrong either way. Lots of love to you and your growing family.

  58. Hii!! Congrarulations on your little girl! It’s gonna be awesome! I have a little sister myself, and even if we fight a lot, we love each other and now that I am 22 an she 15, we are understanding each other better. I am 6 year older and it’s harder than when the siblings are only a few years older, so I think Ruby and her little sister are going to be ok. Oh! And congrats, your husband is the best! Hope your pregnancy goes well and I can’t wait to see your baby.
    Ps. Sorry if my English is bad, I am from Spain haha

  59. I am the oldest of three girls and wouldn’t change it for the world! My sisters are my best friends and the greatest support system I have. Of course we had our days of banter as we grew up, but as each year passed we grew closer and closer. There is no one in the world that I have the same relationship as I do my sisters. I’m so excited for Ruby to become a big sister! Congratulations to you and your family! I am also expecting, with my first baby in November!

  60. My first child was a daughter, & with my second pregnancy, I just “assumed” for all the same reasons you did, that I would have a son.
    My daughters are 3.5 years apart, & they are totally different in temperament, looks & personality, but both of them a nice mixture of me & my husband, & they compliment each other so perfectly mentally & emotionally & their lives are so intertwined, they couldn’t live without the other one.
    Now that they are older, & since “never leave home” – we are sometimes called ” The Three Musketeers”!
    You are richly blessed!

  61. (Of course) plenty of fighting when they’re younger, but then a life-long friendship and a bond that is like no other. I don’t know what I’d do without my sister!

  62. I have 2 younger sisters (and a younger brother). I used to hate my sister, who is 2 years younger than me, and we did not really get along until one day at my Grandma’s house we had a proper fight (I am talking hair pulling, slapping and scratching) and when it was all over everything that we had pent up over the years was gone. I tell you this story because the one thing I would suggest you prepare for is that they will need to work it out themselves. My Mum tried to get us to be friends for years without success. I do adore my sister now so don’t worry.
    There is something pretty special about growing up with a best girlfriend who knows everything about your history.

  63. I have two brothers and two sisters. I grew up sharing a room with both sisters โ€” one six years older than I am, one fifteen months younger. Everyone thought my little sister and I were twins growing up (Mom dressed us alike. buying two of everything was easier, she said.) and we were always best friends. We younger two idolized our big sister growing up and made ourselves love everything she loved (iridescent blue nail polish, Hanson). Now, my sisters live together in Manhattan and I visit often. All of us, despite being radically different in personality and taste, could not be closer!
    Your husband’s words are inspiring. I come from (and have, to much greater happiness, left) a misogynistic religious tradition where one’s mission is first and foremost to “be fruitful an multiply,” and families with five kids, like my parents’, are not uncommon. To know that ANY child is a gift and is “carrying on your name” in more ways than just a surname is wise and poetic.

  64. Long time reader and first time commentor! Love your blog btw ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m a big sister who only has a largettitle sister! We are three years apart (29 and 26) now. Although when we were younger I did useyto get annoyed that she always wanted to hang out with me and my friends, we were always close and it really is like having a forever best friend! Now we are older we are extremely close and I feel so blessed to have her! My dad has always loved being a dad of 2 girls and when we were younger, we could twist his finger over anything! Hehe! My sister is moving over to the US (we live in Perth, Australia) to do a masters next year and I know I am going to miss her terribly! I’m sure you will be an amazing mum to both little ladies ๐Ÿ™‚

  65. Congratulations! We have 4 girls, really close in age to one another….and it is fabulous! They are the best of friends…and truly look out for one another. They definitely have their moments of fighting and drama…but that’s to be expected amongst siblings. I also have a sister and she is my BFF…my go-to for anything and everything. Sisters have the best bond! Best wishes ๐Ÿ™‚

  66. My sister is my everything!
    We are only 20mnths apart and very closeโ€ฆgrowing up we had the normal sister rants, especially over borrowing clothes and makeup but we were always so close and are very like minded which helps!
    Lucky our husbands get along too as I make sure to see my sister and her family at least 1-2 times a week!
    Very exciting for you to have two girls, I have two boys and its wonderful!

  67. I’m the younger of two girls, 4 years apart. My mom said the same thing of me: she was sure I was a boy based on the completely different pregnancy.
    I must say… My sister and I had many… many (countless) fights throughout our childhood… My mom thought we’d never truly get along. When my sister left for college, I finally realized how much I needed her and loved her. I really missed her! All of the things the little sister (me) did to my older sister and vice versa are treasured stories in my family now! We are closer than ever today… And no one else understands where I’m coming from like she does.

  68. My sister and I are only one year apart and we have an amazing relationship. She is truly my best friend – we talk every day about everything. We value each other’s opinions and reach out to each other for support. I am excited for Ruby to be able to experience this special bond. All the best to your family Joy!

  69. I’m sorry but your comments about scoliosis are very ignorant. Really? You hope your kid isn’t born with scoliosis? I have grown up with a bad case of scoliosis and truly it’s offensive to refer to it as a “deformity” you hope your child isn’t born with. Most people who have it you can’t even notice it. I’d take scoliosis any day over all the other diseases, cancers etc….

  70. I know exactly how you feel. Before I ever had children I imagined I would have four boys. Then I found out I was having twins, then that they were girls (10/12/11). I love them to pieces and couldn’t imagine our life any other way. Then we decided to have a third and did everything we could timing wise to make it be a boy, it didn’t work. Three girls in three years. I am the youngest of three girls and life was a blast, I know my girls will have a ball playing together everyday. I do wish my husband had the son he always dreamt of but he is the most amazing father to his girls and they love him to bits. Reading your post today made me realize that it’s been a while since I’ve thought about the boy we won’t have. And you too will stop thinking about it after some time, but it will take time and it doesn’t mean you love your baby girl any less.

  71. Hi Dee,
    My husband is a pediatric spine surgeon, so almost daily we talk about scoliosis (especially the severe cases that require extreme surgery). I understand where you are coming from having experienced it yourself, and I am truly sorry that my reference offended you. I used it as an example because its a relevant topic in our home. While we all want the best life for our children, of course, I would love a child unconditionally no matter how they were born.
    Best to you,

  72. I have an older sister and we were terrible to each other when we were little. I was the tomboy and she was the girly girl – we were constantly squabbling. And then when she graduated high school, everything changed. We both grew closer over the years and we have a great relationship.
    As for the family name not living on, well, times are changing and I know a lot of friends who also kept their last name instead of taking their husbands. When I married, I kept my surname as my father also only had girls.

  73. My sister is 4 years older than me, but it’s always felt as if she were 10 years older. She skipped two grades in elementary school and has always been very mature, quick, and smart. I often felt like I paled in comparison to her, especially academically. She went to an Ivy League school and become a college professor. I am still trying to figure myself out! It wasn’t until recently that we became friends, to be honest. She is now 32 and I am 29. In our family, she was deemed “the smart one” while I was always “the nice one”. My mother often babied (still does) me and made my sister feel like she was unkind to me. My mother often acted as though I was helpless and made stupid decisions while my sister could definitely handle herself and never needed to be taken care of. It became impossible for us to get along with those labels over our heads. But then we grew up and realized we aren’t who we thought we were, and we came to really appreciate having someone out there who knows you through and through; someone who will tell it like it is but doesn’t have the baggage or feelings of mild disappointment or disapproval parents sometimes can bring. As a little sister (but not a parent yet), I can only say that your girls will have a much closer relationship if you try not to give them labels or compare them to each other. It is difficult, I’m sure, but it will make a world of a difference.

  74. I am the youngest of 2 girls. My sister and I have 1 year, 1 week, and 1 day apart. We look exactly alike and I absolutely love it! I couldn’t ask for anything better. Teenage years were tough tho. Everyone always compared us, and associated us as a pair. I felt like I always had to fight for my independence and to prove that I have different interests and my own personality. Now that we are older (25 and 26) I love that she Is my other half. I remember when we were younger, we always had to share everything..a room, friends, a birthday party. I hated it! It’s funny how things change and now every year on our birthdays we either have a huge combined party or go on a fun trip. Last year was skiing at Lake Tahoe, and the year before was Machu Picchu! I love her so much and love how she knows exactly what I am feeling just by one glance!

  75. I have four sisters (and one brother) and you can’t ever know exactly how they’re going to be with each other, whether they’ll be just like each other or more different than two people could ever get. But won’t that be exciting to slowly discover as you all grow into a wonderful little family!

  76. I am the oldest of eleven kids in our family, with 6 brothers and 4 sisters.
    I am 24, and my sisters are 19, 15, 5 and 1.
    As you can imagine our family size is a little rare these days, and it isnt based on religion or culture, simply my parents (Irish dad and American mom) just love kids and family has always come first.
    My relationship with each sister is very different, especially now that I am married and expecting my second baby in the next 4 weeks, (36wks preg). And truly sisters are amazing and they bring a sense of understanding and grace whereas many of my younger brothers are more likely to shrug/joke/bodily function/testosterone explosion or simply look incredibly confused.
    Family is amazing and the joy of siblings is truly an adventure, especially when it comes to weekly family gatherings at my parents cottage here in Ireland.

  77. I have a younger sister and we have a bond that you just can’t compare to even the best of friends. I really wanted the same for my children but alas, I have a son and am expecting a girl so I’m wondering the opposite – how close do brothers and sisters get? Its probably not the same as sisters or brothers (can’t say for certain as we are a family of two girls) but I hope its pretty darn close.

  78. Your words almost made me cry! I grew up with a sister who is 1.8 years older than me, so we’ve been almost like twins. Our childhood was very beautiful, she took care of me when we were little and since adolescency I took a role like the older sister, it’s funny. After 10 years we had a brother, he’s 29 now but to us is like a boy still. I have a girl, she’s 1.9 years old and I don’t know if I’m gonna have a nother one, so when I think about it it’s very sad.I.m sure your little girls gonna love each other very much, you’ll see how they gonna learn from each other and became a better person thanks to sisterhood… Or at least it’s been my experience.

  79. Hi Min,
    Congrats on your newest baby coming soon!
    Its hard to say how close boys and girls can get as it definitely depends on the kids personalities and how far apart they are in age. My brother and I are 8 years apart, so we werent super close as kids and have gotten closer after we both grew up. But I would imagine when they are closer in age, it makes it easier for them to be close!
    Best to you!

  80. Damn, Oh Bob just made me cry!
    p.s. I love having a sister. Even though we’re pretty different, I don’t really remember fighting that much like a lot of others have said (maybe I blocked it out? ๐Ÿ˜‰ It was — and is — so nice knowing you have a built-in best friend, especially since we moved a lot as Air Force brats. Ruby and her lil sister will be the cutest to see together. I can’t wait.

  81. I have a younger sister (2 years younger) and a little brother (6 years younger).
    we are all incredibly close!
    but to answer your question about the sisterly bond:
    My mom told me that it helped A LOT that she & my dad early on told me “what was expected of me” as an older sister.
    I would have teach her, hold her hand, protect her, play with her.. so when my parents explained that role to me, I was super excited! I know I was only 2 but I think that even as a young kid, I was able to understand what was going on.
    So my encouragement to you is to continue to tell Ruby what she’s in for! she needs to be ready to be the best big sister she can be!
    Because then, hopefully, she won’t be jealous of when baby comes.
    There’s video footage of me in my sister’s playpen — that’s how excited I was to hangout with her when she came!!
    And to this day, my sister and I are best friends. we literally still share a room (we are 23 & 21).

  82. Hi Min,
    Your comment struck me because of something my husband said just yesterday. He and his little sister are six years apart and were not particularly close as children. Although they now live across the country from each other, circumstances have brought them together over the last few years. Last night he was texting with her and commented, “you know she is a pretty cool girl, just chatting with her makes me happy.” I guess it is never too late to build that bond with a sibling!

  83. Imagine the love and closeness you had with your highscool best friend, multiply it by twenty and then add the blood bond. It’s really like nothing else!!

  84. I really appreciated this post! As the mother of three little boys, I can’t tell you how many people ask me if we’re going to try for a girl. I know it’s just kind of a thing to say, so I’m not ever offended by it. I can honestly say we are really, really happy with three boys and it just feels right (and complete!).
    When we found out that our third was a boy, a little part of me thought “Oh no! Now who will I cook with in the kitchen?” because that was how my mother and I bonded when I grew up. The funny thing is, it has nothing to do with gender! My middle boy is there with me in the kitchen every time I am cooking or baking, and that is how WE bond. It took realizing that for me to get outside of my own preconceived notions of mothering boys and girls. Cheers to that!

  85. As the younger sister of Oh Joy’s own Angie Stalker, I can confirm that the bond between sisters truly is something beyond words. My play mate, my confidant, my real life diary, my color/pattern/texture equal, my absolute best friend since birth, and my forever hero.
    Congratulations! You are in for a treat.

  86. This post brought tears to my eyes. My sister is my best friend. We will argue and fight but we know we will always be there for each other. We are 5 years apart, which makes our relationship different from sisters closer in age, but she is my role model, my inspiration and my greatest supporter that I am so proud to call my maid of honor in my wedding next September. There is nothing like a sister but also nothing like loving and amazing parents which ruby and baby cho both have :). Ruby brings a smile to my face every day and I can’t wait to continue following along as your family grows!

  87. I grew up with a full-blooded sister, as well as older siblings (not living at home) from my father’s first marriage. Now that my sister and I are adults, we are polar opposites. We fought plenty as children but I also have so many fond memories. I have two girls and an older boy and watching our girls (two years apart) grow together is so special. Their relationship blooms daily and they’ve already experience their first disagreement over an article of clothing (at 4 yo and 2 yo). As silly as it is, it was one of the fondest “first moments” I can think of – ha! Maybe it’s just my pregnancy hormones that are causing me to feel that.

  88. Women of all cultures feel this guilt when finding out they are having a girl. I see this every day at work as a sonographer. It makes me sick when husbands and wives are dissapointed when I reveal a female gender. When we stop asking our husbands if they are okay with having a girl, maybe the idea thats its not okay will fade?

  89. I have never had a sister , in my family we have boys, there was three of us, then my brothers both have two boys, now last week i found out that im going to have my first baby very excited and would love a son but also seen as there are no baby girls in the family i would love to be the first and i think my mum would be happy too if she could get at least one girl in the family lol

  90. I grew up with a sister almost exactly 3 years younger than me. The early years were relatively pleasant, but I don’t remember really grasping the concept of being a “big sister” and being excited about the responsibility, like Ruby seems to be. We quarreled most of our childhood and especially in our teens, but mostly over trivial things (though I promise we behaved in public). Now in our 20’s, we’re much closer and talk to each other on a regular basis, even hugging! I’ve seen sisters that were closer in age who got along much better than we did, and I think that helps because you get to experience more things together. After elementary school, my sister and I didn’t go to the same school until I was a senior, so not a lot of shared life experiences. I think you’ve timed it perfectly ๐Ÿ™‚

  91. I have an older sister and we fought but loved each other growing up. Now that we’re older we get along so much better and she is always there for me and vice versa. I think the bond we have is stronger Bc we’re girls and I think we’ll be close forever. My mom loves having daughters, but more so forever friends. We’re all very close. Your girls are going to have so much fun together! Xx

  92. My daughters are a a year and a half apart and the best of friends even though their personalities and the way they look are night and day. They couldn’t be more different and they couldn’t love each other more. Their closeness and friendship is amazing. They are the best gift I’ve ever given them.

  93. I LOVE having my sister. We are about 3 and a half years apart and while not always the best of friends growing up, after I started college we became much closer. Since then we are great friends. Things aren’t always perfect or great, but that companionship is something I will always treasure. I am sure you will enjoy watching your two girls grow up. ๐Ÿ™‚ Good luck during those rough times!

  94. I’m welling up after reading the sweet words and sincere thoughts of your husband! Congratulations Joy! I have a younger sister who is my best friend, my confidant, and my cheerleader. We are 2 years and 10 months apart. And now I have two girls of my own: a 3 year old and a 3 month old. They are almost identically spaced to my sister any I (almost to the birthday). My babe’s face always lights up when her big sis is around and she seems to reserve special coos and admiring eyes for her. Even in those early newborn days the littlest would smile as soon as she saw her sister’s face or heard her voice. I’m sure she recognized that sweet little voice from her time in my belly. Already they have a sweet relationship filled with smiles and giggles, eskimo kiss sessions that involve lots of coos and drool, and as soon as my babe’s belly touches the ground she has an instant tummy time cheerleader at her side. It will be a wondrous treat to watch your two girls grow up together!

  95. HI Joy, I have to chime in since I am sure I about the oldest to comment on what a sisterly bond is like even late in life-simply put-it’s terrific. While we could not be more different, I know that she will always have my back. As life has handed us up and downs knowing that she is just a call away (and even willing to hop on a plane) makes all the difference. At 4 years apart, we were not competitive as youngsters-I worshipped her! It’s ok that we may not be “best friends” (don’t force it) our life experiences of growing up in the same house steeped in laughter and love makes us lifetime friends.

  96. It has been a while I haven’t visited your blog, don’t know why! But I just found out you are pregnant . Congratulations!!! Such an amazing time…
    I have two sisters (I am the middle one) and I loved it!! So nice having two sisters!!!
    Now, I have 2 boys and I am so happy for them!! I think the bond you have is amazing!!!
    I wish you, your baby, Ruby and your husband lots of happiness and health!

  97. I’m the oldest of three girls and we’re the best of friends. When they were born (they’re twins), I wasn’t so thrilled because I was used to all the attention for six years, but I’m thankful every single day that they’re in my life. One sister lives in Singapore, one lives in Australia, and I’m in the States, but we’re close as ever and know what’s happening with each other because we keep in constant contact. I hope your girls have a close relationship because there’s really nothing like it. No matter what happens, we’re always there for each other.


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