I want my daughter to taste one little bite and then if she doesn’t like it she can tell me and she doesn’t have to eat it.
But she still has to try one bite next time.
So when she tells me that she doesn’t like it, i tell her: “Ok, well maybe you will next time”.
I don’t want a complainer at my dinner table either. They can just choose to eat what they do like.

Let’s us know how that goes for you. One thing that might help is if parents start explaining the why too to their kids. So the next time Ruby wants to buy a toy and you feel it’s unnecessary maybe explain her the why. I don’t know yet how it works with kids, just a suggestion 🙂

I love this. I am trying to raise a positive little one too and it is so challenging when they pick up complaining from others. Thank you for this post! I will try this and see how it goes.

I totally agree. We try and do that too. As much as it’s easy to say, “because I said so”. I think they deserve a reason too when we can give it.
Joy

I totally try to do it with my boy who is almost 3. I know he is not mature enough to really explain, but I always felt very confident about it. I think it is really important to acknowledge their feelings and not to repress them.
I find it very helpful and I think I should show the example and not get upset for little or silly stuff if I want my kids to be relaxed persons as well.
Thank you for sharing 😉

I’m totally going to start doing this with my 3-year-old, son! Thanks so much for sharing, Joy! Something so simple I’d never thought about doing when he gets a case of the “no’s”
Always love your blog!

Oooh, I like that! I am definitely going to teach my kids that we can all be “flexible” sometimes. Thanks, Lisa.

such a simple tip, but so helpful! bookmarking this for later 🙂

Oooooh, that’s so helpful! I have also been wondering how to give in without making it seem like it’s ok to negotiate every time I give a direction. I like the idea of teaching flexability.

I rarely comment on blogs, but wanted to share that your parenting posts are my favorite thing about your blog (and there are many wonderful things!). I’m also a mom of two girls, ages 2.5 and 3 months, and it is so refreshing and reassuring to read honest, practical, and caring posts about the realities of motherhood. I live in a community where most of the families I know have lifestyles/parenting styles that are less kid-oriented than ours. I too almost never miss dinner and bedtime, try to work around naps, etc. and often get flak for it from others, plus I am deep in the insanity of first-year-with-two, and reading your posts reminds me that I’m not the only one and that a year from now I might not think I was nuts to have two kids!
Also, I love this tip! My toddler is not yet great at answering the ‘why?’ of things (though she has strong opinions about everything!), but I’ve found I get fewer negative reactions the more choices I give her – the key being that I only offer choices where the outcome is irrelevant to me. ‘Do you want to wear your gray animal boots, or your black striped boots?” will go over better than ‘You have to wear boots because it’s mucky out.’ Same goes for food, clothing, certain activities – when she thinks she has some say in things there’s rarely much complaining.

This is great advice for raising children, because you have to give them the right to dislike something, as everyone is unique and we all have our preferences. Sometimes these can grow into personality traits. There is definitely a difference between a complainer and a kid who knows what they like and what makes them unhappy.
I do think though that if they want to do a certain thing just because their friends will treat them better if they do (or in any form of peer pressure or conformity),then there should be a talk about living for yourself and not to please others, and that others’ opinions should not affect them, before a decision is made about whether they still want to do that particular thing (and the new why of course).

I have the same attitude towards that: you don’t say a meal is “gross” because it hurts the feeling of the one who cooked it. My 5 year old understands this. I took some time to prepare food for him, while he was playing, and no, I don’t enjoy cooking (that much). So, as a thank you, he doesn’t say something is “gross”, thank you very much.
On the other hand, everyone has likes and dislikes, and, as long as they are uttered in a respectful way, I can totally hear he doesn’t like leaks. It’s even a game: “now that I’m older, I like mushrooms !!” (yeay !).
Our motto is: “Tu as le droit de ne pas aimer, mais pas de ne pas manger”, which is: “you are allowed to dislike, but are not allowed not to eat”. Tasting is not enough, so I fix a quantity that has to be eaten, even if it takes 30 minutes for a spoonful…

I really like the topic you brought up here. Yes, I think there’s a huge importance in raising your children to be as open-minded as possible when it comes to things like trying new food or meeting new people, but you are absolutely correct when you have to teach her the importance of knowing WHAT she wants and being able to say no. I wish I had more of that kind of upbringing in confidence (not to say that my mother didn’t raise me right… I am ever so grateful with how she brought me up and am aware of all of the sacrifices she made for me and my siblings).
You are raising such a beautiful family. I love going through your posts… I’m a new reader but I’ll be here for the long haul!
Lisa Favre
http://marblecrumbs.com

If my daughter complains about something, the first thing I do is acknowledge her feelings. I think we all want to feel heard. So even if it’s something I can’t be flexible on – eating her greens, wearing a hat in winter – I let her know I hear and understand her, but that she’s gotta do it anyway. And that we all have to do things in life we don’t feel like doing.
I second the comment about your writings on parenting – I like that you’re not an “expert”, just offering honest opinions about your personal experience.

At four years old I believe they should feel free to choose their own clothes as much as possible. They have so little control over their lives and that one thing can make them feel great. The more they can make their own choices the less they need to rebel or say yuck to your choice.

Hey Lynne,
I find this choice to vary by family. I’ve tried letting Ruby fully choose and she gets too overwhelmed with that. She can say “I want a dress” or “I want a skirt” but then I choose what she wears from there. Or I give her a couple options to choose from. But some kids don’t get flustered at the decision and really love it.
Joy

I agree that clothing choice seems to get mixed opinions on. I listened to a parenting talk about not giving little kids so many choices because then they think they are in control and expect to always be in control which leads to very hard to manage teenagers. But year, I don’t know. I let my almost 4 year old pick out his clothes often because he can get dressed by himself and it saves me time. Bonus!

I use this on myself when I’m being a little brat. LOL. I’m not a parent, yet, but taking care of my nieces and nephews, I’ve experienced this. Being an aunt, it’s easy for me to say “ok” to everything they ask for or when they refuse what I offer (food, activities, etc)… so I’ll try this next time just so they don’t go home thinking they’re the boss of everyone 😀

Hi Kim!
Ruby’s shoes are by Freshly Picked:
http://freshlypicked.com/collections/the-next-step
Best!
Joy